Rock ‘n’ Roll High School is the greatest movie of all-time. Okay, maybe it’s no Godfather or Dark Knight. But it’s fucking awesome. My DVD of the movie is almost completely scratched from overuse. It’s perfect. I won’t argue that there’s anything…well, smart…about it, but it just doesn’t get old (even though the movie itself is very dated). I could go on about how in love I am with Riff Randell, or the whole rock music defeats tyranny (and mice) angle, but of course, the one thing that’s really important about the movie is the Ramones. If you take out the Ramones, the movie would be nothing.
Of course, the news sweeping the internet is that Howard Stern is backing a remake of Rock ‘n’ Roll High School. I have a little soft spot for Stern since he was at my college graduation (his daughter was in my class), so I don’t want to really bash him. But the important question (after “why?”) is who will replace the Ramones? There’s really no one who can do it. It’s important to note that the Ramones were never the first choice for the movie, which was originally planned as Disco High, so the remake could very easily be made without a punk band (hopefully, not with a disco band, either). But, not only did the Ramones perfectly fit the movie’s stupid-but-awesome theme, they’re the type of band that could lead a rebellion. They don’t fuck around, they just get right to business. Their attacks are quick and overwhelming. And they had already hit the Billboard Top 50 by the time the movie was released. What, in today’s pop culture, can replace that?
A rapper seems fitting (although, I don’t know which one, Nas seems like he wants to revolt), but it’s hard to imagine Howard Stern wanting to stray away from the whole rock ‘n’ roll aspect. Jay Reatard could work, but who has heard of Jay Reatard? The Hold Steady has hit the top 30, but they’re not appropriate for high school. My guess: a reunited Rage Against the Machine. If they don’t just have a bunch of kids listening to Rocket to Russia and deciding to defeat their al Qaeda run school. What do you think?
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