(I feel the need to preface this by basically saying that i tried, folks. I really did try. I swear. I tried to listen to this record with an open mind, despite the Smashing Pumpkins occupying a place in my brain neighboring Weezer and Fall Out Boy, two other bands who make my blood pressure rise and my right eye twitch. That objectivity, however, went out the window a few seconds into Zeitgeist–specifically, when Billy Corgan began singing with that trademark “masturbating ostrich” style he’s perfected over the years. So do keep this in mind when you read this. I tried, but i failed. If you want more even-handed reviews from people who aren’t predisposed to pile on the hate, Borch and Christine are here to hook you up. And now…)
People, help me out. Is there anyone out there anymore who takes Billy Corgan seriously as a musician? Is there anyone out there who doesn’t see him as what he truly is–an egomaniacal snake-oil huckster? Let’s examine the timeline of major album releases, and maybe we’ll see what i’m getting at:
-After the phenomenal commercial success of Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness (which Corgan apparently described as “The Wall for Generation X”–um, hint #1, people), Corgan and the band begin giving interviews saying that conventional rock music is dying and that electronic music is the future, following these proclamations by releasing the electronica-influenced Adore.
-Adore, of course, tanks, leading Corgan to proclaim “um, just kidding about that whole ‘rock is dead’ thing, heh heh.” The band releases Machina/The Machines of God, which is a guitar rock album that also tanks because (i like to think) people finally started smelling bullshit.
-After Machina tanks, and after a period that saw the band actually do something right by trading up for ex-Hole bassist Melissa Auf der Maur, only to completely screw the pooch by then making her pose with the band for this photo (Jesus Christ), the band breaks up. Corgan and drumming trainwreck Jimmy Chamberlin form “supergroup” Zwan, which lasts a whole, what, two years?
-After Zwan goes down in flames, Corgan decides that maybe he should try banking on his own name instead of some random “supergroup,” releasing a solo album. Perhaps predicting that it would sell about as many copies as Warrant’s third record, he announces on the day of the release that he’s getting the old band back together. How does he do this? By taking out a full-page ad in the goddamn Chicago Tribune. Because obviously the news that the Pumpkins are “reuniting” is Very Important and the people of Chicago are sure to give at least one shit, maybe two.
And of course, how was this “reunion” executed? By Corgan and Chamberlin essentially collaborating together on another Billy Corgan solo album, only making sure to call it “Smashing Pumpkins.” Look, you can move the Cleveland Browns to Baltimore, rename them the Ravens, and set up an expansion team called “The Browns” to replace them, but guess what? The team Jim Brown played for is wearing purple and black these days. You can hire a blonde chick bass player and sort of dress her like D’Arcy (seriously, Billy…really?), but all we’re gonna do is laugh at you. And her.
If the football analogy was a little too far left for you, let me make amends by pointing out that this Pumpkins “reunion” nonsense reminds me of the circumstances surrounding the Helmet “reunion,” wherein Page Hamilton was unable to find a record deal for his new project until he was told by Interscope Records, “we’ll release it…if you call the band ‘Helmet.’” Which name sells–”Billy Corgan” or “Smashing Pumpkins?”
Exactly. And yet, i know several people who claim that Billy and his boingers “really spoke” to them at a younger age. I don’t get it. Hasn’t it been obvious all this time that he’s been pulling a P.T. Barnum for years? Well, in all fairness, even i thought pro wrestling was real for about 10 minutes back in sixth grade. Everyone’s a sucker one minute or the next.
And so here we are. Zeitgeist. Unable to simply come clean (too much time hanging out with Chamberlin…OK, i’ve got the Obligatory Jimmy Chamberlin Heroin Addict Joke out of the way) and exclaim “I’M A WHORE!,” apparently the decision was made to add some sort of political undercurrent to the album, carrying with it the laughable implication that Corgan cares more about the world’s events than attracting its attention. Well, what the hell, it worked for Green Day (a fact i’m sure wasn’t lost on our protagonist). Of course, it worked for Green Day because when your major label breakthrough is called Dookie, let’s just say the bar for lyrical poignancy is set rather low. In the context of a band with a history of pandering to the disaffected youth dollar (that whole “zero” thing sure was easy to slap onto a t-shirt, wasn’t it?), this can and should be greeted with more yawns than accolades. Goodness, Billy Corgan’s singing about “revolution” (”United States”). Where are Nikki and Dr. X when we need them?
Speaking objectively (no, really, i am for once–but just in this paragraph), I’m honestly having a hard time picturing any hard-core Pumpkins fan enjoying this album, because it sounds like a second-rate 90s alternative band trying to sound like Smashing Pumpkins (did the two new band members even play on the record? If they did, that might explain it). The guitars are layered in a suffocating lead blanket of homogenized oppression that refuses to let the listener breathe, as if being pummelled by this much distortion and crunch will distract the listener from how the songs seem to have been written by slapping random mid-tempo sixteenth-note riffs together. The mixing feels like a college audio engineering project at DeVry–as overwhelming as the 56 guitar tracks are, Chamberlin’s drums are put even higher in the mix, almost as if to say, “at least we have one decent musician! Here, listen to him! A lot! We’ll be over here putting cheap vocal effects on things and potting them up at the worst possible moment!” The bass? Like the bass player, just there to be seen. I don’t know, maybe the diehards will look through the steam rising off this turd and see a mirage of quality, not unlike a vision of water in an arid desert.
For the record, i do have to hand it to Chamberlin–the drums on Zeitgeist, while too up front in the mix (and this is coming from a drummer, people), are solid, especially during the brilliantly syncopated solo he slaps forth in “Starz (With a Z!),” a single which, excepting that bright spot, is quite possibly one of the most ridiculous moments on the album. “Spirit smile on/Deep black diamond/So rise the lost toys/Island of white noise/And purple haze.” Uh…what?
And while we’re on the subject of Corgan’s lyrics and vocals, well, they’re in top form. Of course, that’s if you consider his usual tuneless warble “top form.” If i could borrow a concept from one of my favorite comics, Preacher, his voice sounds like the result of an angel and a demon falling in love. No, i don’t mean an offspring with the power of God almighty…i mean it’s the sound of them fucking. And to top it off, Corgan decided for the first time (i believe) to do his own backing vocals, which, upon listening, conjures the teeth-itching image of multiple Billy Corgans singing in the same room. Picture Billy in that stupid robe/dress/thing he’s wearing in the “Tarantula” video (if you haven’t seen this video yet, check it out. Holy shit), and then imagine about 8 terribly chroma-keyed Billys stepping out from behind the original, floating around him like a kaleidoscope. You now have the mental image i deal with upon every listen. For fuck’s sake. If Corgan had been alive to try out for the role of Count Orlok when F.W. Murnau was casting Nosferatu, i’m pretty sure the director’s response would have been “christ almighty, i’m looking for ‘creepy’ scary, not ‘chase the audience out of the theater demanding refunds’ scary. And thank god this is a silent film. Anyway, get Max Schreck in here, he’s more photogenic.”
It’s ok to let your childhood idols die, folks. George Lucas made the Star Wars prequels and exposed himself as a storytelling hack (albeit a special effects genius) who got lucky, then surrounded himself with quality writers and directors. If Billy Corgan ever had any cred as voice for the young unwashed of Generation X (or Y–i’ve lost track at this point), it’s gone, and if you still see some wafting about, you’re mistaking it for Emperor Billy’s new clothes.
Release Date: July 10, 2007
Label: Martha’s Music/Reprise
Rating, on the Kenny Loggins LACH Scale: 3, Keep the Fire. Because Billy’s robes from “Tarantula” match Kenny’s on the cover.
7 Comments »
1) Awesome album ‘cover’, 2) Billy and the Boingers… ha ha, takes me back, and 3) everyone knows that Cleveland is the datum for all failures, but comparisons to Smashing Pumpkins? That’s a low blow, stick to the river catching on fire.
wait…Warrant had a third record?
Smashing Pumpkins are the best band on the planet. Although this review made me chuckle here and there, the content is complete shit.
As a lover of the album, I still found this review entertaining and a good read. Enjoyed with a grain of salt! 
You’re judging them based on Adore, MACHINA and Zeitgeist. Even though the first two I mentioned are quite good, the first three albums released by the Smashing Pumpkins are definitely their best, and there isn’t even a mention of Siamese Dream and Gish in this review. You’re insulting the band instead of the album in places, when only the album actually deserves it.
I would suggest you look at the following photo, and then try telling me again that the band doesn’t deserve to be insulted:
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Comment by j03 — July 19, 2007 @ 10:18 am
I thought Siamese Dream was a good album. I could pretty much do without the rest of their catalogue, though.