““How did these guys become rock’s hottest new band?” SPIN really does ask the questions that are at the front of my brain.”

that made me laugh out loud. which i really needed today, i might add.

I would like P!@#%$ATD better if they were fronted by either Daryl Hannah or a raccoon, or Daryl Hannah dressed as a raccoon. A pirate raccoon.

Daryl Hannah as a pirate raccoon = DEAD SEXY.

And DJ, it sounds like you’ve learned the “no kissing band members” thing the hard way… is that why Mr. Alarm knocked your teeth out?

I knocked his teeth out because he bit my middle finger until he drew blood.

So…yes.

Haha. I guess that counted as “kissing…”

DUDE! EVEN THE GUY BEHIND YOU UNDERSTANDS THIS.

Juxtaposed with the picture of the raccoon? Oh, god, this just made me spray a mouthful of coffee all over my computer monitor.

Thanks, DJ.

Also: officially, Panic! At the Disco are my least favourite band on earth. In a perfect world, I would have continued to have no knowledge that they exist, but as late, I have been stricken with insomnia so intense I haven’t been falling asleep until 3 or 4 a.m.. This, of course, leads to much late-late-night channel surfing. And it was during one of these bouts that I discovered what appears to be their most recent worthless video, and the fact that the song is called — get ready for this, no seriously –

“LYING IS THE MOST FUN A GIRL CAN HAVE WITHOUT TAKING HER CLOTHES OFF.”

THAT IS WHAT THE SONG IS CALLED, I AM NOT FUCKING WITH YOU, I WANT TO KICK THIS BAND IN THE NUTS.
Shit like this almost makes Joanna Newsom and her love of wolf-hats seem tolerable. (I said almost.)

*ahem*

Look, a raccoon!

Ya know, that song title doesn’t shock me as much as it should, because these guys were “discovered” by That One Douchebag from Fall Out Boy (and for fuck’s sake, if being discovered by fucking Fall Out Boy isn’t a clue that a band is completely useless, i guess people are beyond help), who had a song on their last CD entitled “I’ve Got a Dark Alley and a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song).” WTF. I get it, they’re supposedly being ironic, hahaha, but

1) i can’t help thinking that if you’re the type of choad who plays in a horrible emo band like Fall Out Boy, you’re probably one of those “fake-sensitive” pricks who write songs that are supposedly about their feelings but in reality are covering up some really unsettling misogyny (you know you’ve met guys like that–they’re all “sensitive” on stage and then are doing blow and trying to date-rape some chick at the afterbar)*, and

2) Using song titles like that when your primary audience is teenaged girls is just plain creepy.

So, yeah, one more reason to say “fuck these guys.**”

*Disclaimer: i don’t know anyone in FOB personally, so i don’t know that they’re really that type of douchebag. This is pure speculation. But deny that type of douchebag exists and you are a first-rate simpleton.

**Although, to be honest, this post is giving them more attention they deserve, but fuck it, they were misrepresenting raccoons and i got pissy.

i am glad someone is finally sticking up for us raccoons. sometimes we get a bad rap. however, no self-respecting raccoon that i know would ever listen to shitty disco-emo like this and we resent the fact that these fools are stealing our hott look.

Dear writers. Your constant mutilation of Panic! At The Disco’s unique name makes it impossible to try and monetize this. Making fun of Panic at the Disco? One notch above making fun of NKOTB 15 years ago. Doing so while making money? Pure brilliance!