Today’s Roast: The Pixies
Imagine taking some of the more angular post- punk sounds to come out of the late seventies and early eighties, sanding all the angles off, and then attempting to color the neutered mess with boring, watered down surf/rockabilly guitar lines. There you have the sound of the emerging collegiate alternative nation, hyphen rock with all the hyphens removed, a bland sonic utopia of sensibilities boiled down and homogenized into a big puffy, pasty nothing. Don’t worry, at the very least, there isn’t much in the way of actual hooks to choke on.
I mean, has a band as boring and mediocre as the Pixies ever garnered as much high praise as they did?
First of all, you have one of the most uninspired, unspectacular rhythm sections this side of Foghat. Sure, it’s great not every bass player in the nineties was having a bwank- dikka- bwank- bwank thumb war with a tiny turquoise bass that, for a bass guitar, was conspicuously low of anything resembling low end. However, does this mean we credit Kim Deal and her monotonous, plodding basslines as some form of late century wheel reinvention? Jeez, it’s not like she did anything Micheal Fucking Anthony couldn’t do, including sing backup.
And David Lowry? Remember Homer Simpson’s remark about the COMPETENT drumming of Grand Funk Railroad’s Don Brewer? David Lowry could maybe dream his contribution to pop music warranted as much back handed flattery.
Frank Black? Big fat bald annoyance. Vocally and lyrically he functions as a broad, gaping irrelevance. I think his concept for being a sort of pear shaped Iggy Pop had been touched upon with a good deal more finesses by Dave Thomas (no, not the Wendy’s guy either you chuckling fucknuts). Maybe Black copped a few Dave Thomas moves in some buffet line somewhere, but his execution of them makes him a pretty sorry contender to the post- punk fat frontman throne. Granted, it’s a big, big seat to fill, and Black may have even been missing a good deal of the girth.
I’ll give Joey Santiago some credit. He had a thick, serrated guitar tone and could, every so often, squeeze out a memorable riff here and there. Unfortunately, he had to share this relatively minor talent with the above three. That’s like having to share a can of Van-de-Camps with two scraggly panhandlers and a fat guy, there just isn’t enough there.
Okay, I’ll be even fairer and say the Pixies had some solid moments. Surfer Rosa had the brief, catchy Broken Face and the seductively squalid Vamos. Trompe le Monde had UMass, Planet of Sound and Alec Eiffel. That, unfortunately, is about it. Doolittle and Bossanova…hell, the fucking singles are snoozers. Really, break it down however you want, but the Pixies had no consistently good albums and two consistently dull ones.
Still, post-Pixies careers have fared even worse. There’s Black’s pointless solo career and the Breeders, who were about as useless as a supergroup featuring Micheal Stipe and Flea.
Oh well…some fools swear by ‘em, so fuck it.
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This comes as a relief. I spent the first half of my 20’s in a stupor and listening to the String Cheese Incident, and the second has been heretofore dedicated largely to figuring out why bands like the Pixies and the Cure passed me by. Was it me?
No, it’s that the Pixies are boring. That’s why repeated attempts to enjoy them ended with me forgetting that the CD player was even turned on, and in the process of doing something slightly more constructive couldn’t remember why I had set aside the hours between lunch and dinner. Good music to clean my apartment to, I guess.
Every Pixies fan who detests Oprah and the lemmings that scurry to buy whatever book she endorses should think about how Kurt Cobain’s (and others’) endorsements of the Pixies has had the same effect on their taste in bands. Sure, there are plenty of fans that have been around from the start, but consider everyone that never heard of the Pixies until they were told that they influenced Nirvana - though they can’t quite figure out what’s the big fucking deal, they are going to swear that they love them until they do. Beats me.
i always thought the pixies sucked and there is something about frank black that really creeps me out.
Oliver–Feel free to link the “some fools” to my writer profile, which mentions the Pixies 
Whom I like. Not revere, but like… enough so that I was singing “Debaser” today while working late.
I like Kim Deal for what she is, not a “good singer” (what is this, DJ, the Girl Scout talent show or something??) but a bit of a space cadet who manages to provide creepy background noise.
Also, for heaven’s sake, Borch, don’t assume that everyone who likes them is a Nirvana/Cobain fan. I can’t STAND Nirvana, but I like the Pixies. They’re the musical comfort food a lot of my friends back home and I had in common.
Goodness, I don’t. But there are some hacks who went out and got behind the Pixies because they saw the VH1 special about 1991. I know beause I was one. Until I actually listened to them, I mean.
Ah, so Borch is projecting! 
Please don\’t misunderstand me–overall, i like the Pixies much more than i dislike them. I think their best songs are borderline transcendent in moments. Again–\”Gigantic?\” Goddamn. (And thanks to David Fincher, \”Where is My Mind?\” will always live in my mind hand in hand with exploding buildings, the way \”Stuck in the Middle With You\” brings images of cop ears being hacked off.)
As far as Kim Deal goes, though…meh. Her role in the Pixies is one she fulfills very well, but i never liked The Breeders, and the one time i saw the Amps live they were atrociously bad. I can\’t abide the Deal sisters.
But really–if yer gonna roast \’em, roast \’em!! There\’s so much fodder out there…the rider, the fact that they kinda suck live…
Borch is 100% on about the CURE though someone HAS to do a CURE roast, there is enough matrieal there for 5 roasts… and While we are at it, how about the Smiths, man I hate them fucking brit bands…
Who knew conjecture could be so much fun?
I call dibs on the Cure roast! Just give me a few days to whittle down the tome of things I want to say into a manageable size.
dearest Borch Please mention that the 80 goth Robert Smith
cave-fro is the only style of hair WORSE and more-dated than the Mullet…
Duly noted. But was it really WORSE than this?
I happened past the Cure section while flipping through records over at Bullseye the other day, and man oh man, ol’ Bobby hasn’t aged well at ALL.
Remember when he got hugely fat and decided he’d spend the whole American tour wearing hockey jerseys?
Damn it, image didn’t go through. Never mind.?
Joie, why do you keep letting your thirteen year old cousin post on your blog? David Lowry? Simpsons references and fat jokes? Try harder, kiddo. Good, thoughtful writing with accurate facts and reasoned opinions is hard, but eventually you’ll get the hang of it.
In the meantime, I’ll be elsewhere, reading something interesting.
I’m gonna miss him.
I gotta give Bryson some credit though…he makes some good points. If we’re gonna have a “let’s roast sacred cows” series, we’re gonna need better shots than “fat, bald annoyance.” It’s a little too easy.
Like, for the Cure one, do some research…find some embarrassing videos or interview quotes. Look on Smoking Gun for embarrassing tour rider stuff. Relate a personal anecdote where the band pissed you off for some reason.
I’d do one of these for Weezer, but i think everyone i know, plus their cousins, have all heard my Weezer rant by now. It’s geting a little old. Then again, i never packaged it together for a blog before…
Okay, I’ll take the bait: “Tell the Weezer story again, Grandpa!”
Okay, even though I called dibs on the Cure roast, someone else had better do the honors. It’s not that I wouldn’t get great pleasure out of it, but it might fall into cheap shots and low blows. See, I’ve always disliked the Cure, even before I heard a single song, which is to say haven’t listened to them enough to collect the evidence I need to deliver a real k.o.
I can tell you about how much Robert Smith’s hair and face annoys me, and what Henry Rollins thinks of them, but as for the music? I know that someone out there is wringing their hands over the chance to weigh in on this, so who’s it going to be?
first of all, you guys better be really careful what you say about the cure.
second of all, i am all about going off on any sacred cow you want, but there better be more to it than “i don’t like it and their clothes are weird so it sucks.” you will never convince me that i bands i like - such as the cure and the pixies - are not worth liking with articles like this, but you may convince me that you are funny and literate and a good writer. (keep trying, oliver.)
Hey…I never said anything about the Pixies dress sense. I also gave what I think are some solid arguments as to why I, personally, have always found the Pixies overrated.
Bland? Lame rhythm section? Lack of hooks? All just a bit more specific than \”It sucks \’cuz I don\’t like it.\” The fat comments? You\’ll also keep in mind I gave a hint of praise to Pere Ubu\’s Dave Thomas. Cheap shot? Maybe, but if it\’s in the public eye, submitting and exposing itself to praise and scrutiny, it\’s all fair game.Â
The Simpson\’s reference I\’d actually seen used once before in a Mojo story on Grand Funk. You know what avid Mojo readers us seventh graders are.
Truth be told, I don\’t dish it out without knowing I\’m going to have to take it. Furthermore, I really don\’t care about having the last word in any given argument, but some of your critiques of my writing have marginal validity if any. Spelling and grammar? Sure, I appreciate the call out. Content? I duuno, the majority of arguments I see aren\’t exactly airtight. Then again, neither is my opinion.
The Cure, a bit too easy a target. I\’m not even saying that to disparage them, but roasting the Cure is really nothing new. They\’ve always been a divisive band, especially to the music press.
That\’s all. Kick Ass and Chew Bubblegum-
The Mayor of Rock N\’ Roll
all i am saying is it’s funny so far, but if you do indeed go off on the cure, you can expact the wrath of joie!!!!!
Vocally and lyrically he functions as a broad, gaping irrelevance.
Wrong.
Vocally Frank Black might be the first singer to bring true loathng with his screams. Everything else you say has some merit, but its the real angst you can hear in his voice, that keeps me coming back.
Prove me wrong little man.
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Comment by hotshotrobot — February 15, 2007 @ 2:45 pm
Hey now. Michael Anthony is a WAY better singer than Kim Deal.
You also failed to mention what a confoundingly boring live act these guys are. When my then-girlfriend and i went to see their reunion show, we were bored to tears. Sure, we’re used to bands who, you know, move around or act like they’re enjoying themselves, but what do we know?
When they decided to pad their encore with the slow version of “Wave of Mutilation” after they had played the fast version in their proper set, we left. Wtf.
All that said, i rock out to the hits on a regular basis. “Gigantic” and “Debaser” will always kick my ass.
P.S. if you want a good hoot, go to the Smoking Gun and check out their tour rider.