It’s hard to write a post announcing an impending Turbonegro US tour without slumming it in the title. Seriously, “Are you ready for some darkness?” That song title has probably been used by dozens upon dozens of music bloggers/writers/”journalists” over the years for the same tour date posts year after year. But heck, what else am i gonna go with? “Get it On?” “Good Head/Great Tour?” “Motherfucking Touring Tonight?” Turbonegro Hate the Kids; Love Touring?” All lame.

But who cares? The point is that Norway’s kings (queens?) of hedonism, the glam-punkers that black metal church burners Mayhem referred to as “the most evil band in the world,” TURBOfuckingNEGRO, are BACK. Hank, Happy Tom, and the (euro)boys will be stateside for nearly a month promoting their new album Retox (which will be released in the USA on August 14th). Here’s hoping that Retox isn’t as completely worthless as their last release, Party Animals, because frankly, i was sort of hoping there was no album tied to this tour. I sort of want as little new material as possible. Stick with the classics, guys. Please?

Despite the severe dropoff in quality attached to Party Animals (and hey, maybe Retox will be a return to form! Knock on wood!), Turbonegro are quite possibly the greatest live band in the world. Yes, i realize i tend to say that about Melt-Banana and the pAper chAse as well, but i genuinely mean it when referring to any of those bands. A live Turbonegro set featuring the hits from Apocalypse Dudes and Ass Cobra will change your life. But don’t take my word for it: 

9/19 - Metro, Chicago, IL
9/20 - Smalls, Detroit, MI
9/21 - The Grog Shop, Cleveland, OH
9/22 - Phoenix Concert Theater, Toronto
9/24 - Paradise, Boston, MA
9/25 - Nokia Theater Times Square, NYC
9/26 - Black Cat, Washington, DC
9/28 - Ziggy’s, Winston-Salem, NC
9/29 - Center Stage, Atlanta, GA
10/01 - Granada Theater, Dallas, TX
10/02 - Emo’s, Austin, TX
10/04 - Brickhouse Theater, Phoenix, AZ
10/05 - HOB, San Diego, CA
10/06 - Downtown LA, Los Angeles, CA
10/07 - Henry Ford Theater, Los Angeles
10/08 - Slims, San Francisco, CA
10/10 - Showbox, Seattle, WA
10/11 - Commodore Ballroom, Vancouver
10/12 - Roseland Ballroom, Portland, OR

Finally, according to the band’s website, they are “looking for Turbojugends in each territory to get to us via Camilla and start working on after shows parties for each city.” Get on it, American Punk Rock Boys and New Wave Hooker Girls. I’ll see you at the Metro (provided the Metro’s website ever gets ticket info posted–hurry up, FIBs!).

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