- buy valium onli in Firewater, The Golden Hour Hi webmaster!
- Borch in Death Magnetic is pulling Life Or Death For Metallica Oh Burton, Where Art Thou?
- Voltaire in Pitchfork Leaks Some of the 2008 Lineup I was hating on Animal Collective before it was “hip” to hate on Animal Collective. Hell, before it was hip to LIKE Animal...
Hi, everybody. As you know, we here at Superstarcastic frown on blatant self-promotion, but i’m making a rare exception to post a video we at IfIHadAHiFi HQ made in April for our upcoming album:
IfIHadAHiFi: “Success! Success! Success!”
Directed by Jay Bauman
Featuring Dixie Jacobs of white, wrench, conservatory on guest vocals
Shot at the Borg Ward, Milwaukee, WI
From the album Fame By Proxy out Sept. 23rd on Latest Flame Records
Drink it in, y’all!
I am not referring to the fantastic Gogol Bordello, whom i just saw tear Milwaukee’s Turner Hall ballroom a fresh asshole. No. See, Gogol Bordello play gypsy music. An accordion is appropriate and mandatory for gypsy music. No, i’m talking to all of you god damned NPR-approved alt-country Americana indie-folk motherfuckers who strap a fricking squeezebox around your shoulders whether the music warrants it or not. YOU ARE NOT “ROOTSY.” YOUR BULLSHIT ACCORDION PLAYING IS A GODDAMN AFFECTATION.
I’m specifically referring to you, Dusty Rhodes and the River Band, who opened for Gogol Bordello tonight. You are bullshit. You and your “hey everyone! I’ve got a revolutionary idea! Let’s start an indie country band with like six band members and violin and accordion and other such non-traditional rock instruments! And we’ll act like we tour in a Volkswagon and bathe with patchouli! And we’ll grow mustaches and tour with Blind Melon!” (Fucking seriously? Blind Fucking Melon?) “Because there aren’t approximately 75,649 other bands doing the exact same thing!”
That shit where you name your band after a living legend of the National Wrestling Alliance, but don’t have a single lyric as beautiful as “I’m the man of the hour/too sweet to be sour?” BULLSHIT. That shit where you are nowhere near as pummeling as a bionic elbow? UNACCEPTABLE. That part where you actually said on stage “if we all believe, you, me, and Obama will legalize marijuana!“? Out of all the cocks in the room at that moment, sir, yours was the one screaming to be punched the most at that particular moment, you god damned hippie.
When you said, “I have good news and bad news. We have one more song…” i responded by yelling “what’s the bad news?” The dirty looks were worth it! (And besides, you really set yourself up for that one, you douche.)
The only way i could hate you more is if you called yourselves “Handsome Harley Race” and didn’t write a song called “Someone Take the Damn Money.”
But mostly, it’s the goddamned accordion. Seriously, people. You’ve taken a once-marginalized, quirky and underrated instrument–one that can be truly beautifully manipulated to express true and singular emotions–and made it boring. BORING. YOU TOOK AN INSTRUMENT THAT ONCE WAS ONLY SEEN IN POPULAR MUSIC IN THE HANDS OF “WEIRD AL” YANKOVIC AND MADE IT BORING.
HOW DID YOU DO THAT.
ALL OF YOU.
FUCK YOU.
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE
So, my plan for this evening was to review the new “effort” from Scarlett Johansson, Anywhere I Lay My Head, I’ll Still be a Hot Young Celebrity With a Hall of Fame Rack and Will be Able to Release Bullshit Vanity Projects with my Hip Indie Pals That Have the Real Talent and Can Keep My Voice Low in the Mix So No One Can Tell That I’m Totally Sleepwalking Through This, but then Borch went ahead and busted out ??????an incredible review?????? that easily blew away whatever the hell misogynistic half-assed crap i was gonna write about trying to go easy on her so that when i’m a famous rock star and my people arrange a meeting with her through her people, she’ll still wanna fuck me. So, whatever. You win this round, Borch, you son of a bitch.
So let’s move beyond the celebrity foolishness and instead, talk about one of the most kickass records i’ve heard so far in 2008–one not enough people are talking about because this band A) does not feature a quirky indie actress; B) is not from New York City (because as long as you’re from New York and have some moderate buzz, the music press will gladly give you road head in your tour van, no matter how mediocre you actually are *cough*Vampire Weekend*cough*); and C) does not have a banjo. Hell, these guys aren’t even cool enough to be from a trendy town in their native United Kingdom–they’re from fucking Wales. ??????Yup. So why talk about some silly actress’ vanity album when we could be discussing Future of the Left?
Two years ago, noted hair metal enthusiast Chuck Klosterman reviewed Axl Rose’s long-awaited musical equivalent to Ishtar, Chinese Democracy. Of course, the review ran in SPIN’s April issue and appeared on their website with a date of April 1. I hadn’t been paying attention to what was going on with the record, though (who was?), so i won’t lie–i fell for that shit.
Well, if NME is trying to play an April Fool’s joke, they’re about 9 days too late, according to the April 10th date on this report that Axl has–no fuckin’ way–finally turned Chinese Democracy over to Geffen Records:
Therockradio.com reports that Geffen Records, the band’s record label, have confirmed they have received a finished copy of the album, and are currently haggling over money and rights issues with Rose.
The album is reported to have cost in excess of $13million (£6.5million) to produce.
As previously reported, it is rumoured that a Guns N’ Roses reality TV show is set to be broadcast to coincide with the release of the album.
Bullshit? Truth? Who knows–a release date could show up in Billboard tomorrow and i wouldn’t believe it until i saw a copy of the damn record in Wal-Mart, complete with sanitized family-friendly lyrics. At this point i’m more likely to believe an article that leads with “Axl Rose Finally has Cornrows Taken Out,” so, ya know, not very likely.
Axl, you’re aware that Velvet Revolver is looking for a singer, right? Just sayin’, whenever you’re ready to give up the dream, dude…
Months and months ago, my friend Jamie burned my roommate Scott and me some random Wrens release that she claimed was called Overnight Success, and she had no idea where it came from. Of course, this means there was no track listing, so i put off listening to it. I am complete crap when it comes to remembering song titles, but ironically, if a CD has no track listing, i don’t want to listen to it, load it into my iTunes, or deal with it at all, even if it’s by one of my favorite bands (of which The Wrens surely are one). I’m a doof like that.
A few weeks ago fellow slack-ass SSC contributor Josh and i finally threw it into the computer and the first track we heard was a version of “Pretty OK” off the Abbott 1135 EP. Sweet! I love that song and haven’t owned it until now.
Anyway, finally tonight i decided to sit down and figure out what the hell the story was with this release. Naturally, going to the Wrens’ website and message board was the smart thing to do, so i finally made my way over there and figured this shit out.
Overnight Success was a cassette-only release that came out in, like, 1996? 1997? Apparently after Secaucus, which was 1996, and before Abbott 1135, which was 1997, as it contains early versions of most of what became that EP. There’s also a crazy early version of “Faster Gun” from The Meadowlands called “Blind” that’s super-raw.
Track Listing:
1. Big City Move On (This became “Pretty OK”)
2. It’s Alright
3. Fire, Fire
4. I Guess We’re Done
5. From the Rack
6. Player
7. Blind (the future “Faster Gun”)
8. Take Me or Leave Me
9. Shakers
10. Don’t Be Shy
Because i love you, here’s “Blind:”
Can you believe it’s already been almost 5 years since The Meadowlands came out? It was seven years between that and Secaucus, and that was because of their legendary record label issues.* Being completely used to the Wrens taking forever between records, it didn’t even occur to me that i should be looking for new music, but according to an interview that was posted to their message board, we should see something new this year. We’ll see.
*for those joining late, here’s the Wrens’ web page’s short version of that story: “Halfway into first tour supporting Secaucus, the wrens are told that if they do not sign their new fairly-high-dollar recording contract, all promotion for Secaucus will be stopped. The wrens, frowning on strong-arm tactics, do not re-sign and as promised, all promotion (including support for a pending tour of Europe with Brainiac) is pulled. The head of the record company, infuriated, commences layoffs of involved record company personnel and vows that “the next band to walk through that door will be made famous - at any cost”. The next band through the door is Creed. Grass Records becomes Wind Up Records. Creed becomes famous at any cost.”
Hey, everyone, what’s shakin’? I know it’s been a while since i rapped at ya, but damn, my schedule’s been hell of nuts lately, i tells you what. Anyway, i’m interrupting my dumb-ass radio silence to let any fine Chicagoans reading this know of some hot rock action coming their way this Friday, March 28th, at the venerable Beat Kitchen.
One of my favorite bands going today, the creepy, jarring, skronktastic, and all-out awsome pAper chAse, will be taking the stage for an all-ages extravaganza starting at 8:30 after the doors ope
n at 8. Oh, and who’s that opening the show? A delightful Chicago outfit called Reds and Blue and everyone’s favorite feedback-drenched Brew City troublemakers IfIHadAHiFi! Hurrah!
$10 in advance, $12 at the door, suckers. Be there by 8:30, because the HiFi’s playing first and will be slamming through select cuts from their upcoming long-player, Fame By Proxy, out September 16th of this year on the recently-relocated-to-Chicago Latest Flame Records, as well as some older favorites. And well, shit, the pAper chAse are just one of the best live bands going today, so you really have no reason to not go see them.
Aren’t you annoyed by how i keep referring to my band in the third person? Who the hell am i trying to fool, anyway?
Anyway, sorry that my first post in weeks is blatant shilling as opposed to the grumpy old man-ramblings that you often want to fellate me for. I’ll get back to that soon, i promise. It’s been a rough winter.
